What if I had danced in the hail?

I’m the kind of girl who questions every single choice that I make, who hesitates before being spontaneous, who could run and run and fool everyone by making it seem as if I’m running to somewhere, when in reality, I have absolutely no idea where I’m going. And one huge thing that always takes over my thoughts is “what if?” What if I had done something differently, if I had said something more, if I had gone out of my way to talk to that lonely girl over there. I replay conversations in my head, wondering if I had said the right thing, if I could’ve said something differently. I imagine different scenarios. And every single time, it occurs to me that I can’t change anything. That I’ve already done what I did- so what’s the use of going through it again? Perhaps it comforts me. Maybe I’m convinced that at some point, I’ll get sick of myself and stop and go back and do whatever I was too afraid to do before. But of course it never happens- I just keep on what-if-ing every single thing that I do. Doesn’t get me very far, I know.

Last friday night, I went to a Chris Tomlin concert. It was supposed to be at seven, but it got postponed to nine because of… a tornado warning. Oh yes. So right when my group got there, it started POURING like it never had before; I’ve never even seen this kind of weather before. And to make it even more intense, the concert was outdoors. Of course, there was a roof on top of us, but here we were on the very side of the amphitheater, with the wind blowing in our direction and bringing with it rain and hail. We had to struggle just to get out the umbrella- the umbrella that was supposed to shelter eight of us. Of course that failed. So here I was, drenched with not an inch of me dry. That’s when my friend just pulled me out from under the umbrella and maniacally laughed, twirling around and yelling about how amazing it was. I was shocked speechless for a few seconds, before I started to join in with her laughter. She was right. This outrageous weather was amazing. And now I don’t have to sit and wonder, what if I had braved the weather today and let myself go crazy? Because hey, guess what- I did. There’s noone to judge me but God.

The concert started in a different way. There was a huge screen at the front, and the entire place was completely black except for three white words on that screen: Quiet your hearts. The entire audience was still, with some fidgeting and whispers every here and there, but we were still. It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t raining. It was just… silence. And it’s very rare that you can sit in that kind of silence, with no distraction of noise, of loudness. It was Good Friday. The friday that all hell broke loose (and partied too soon might I add). The friday that Jesus became sin for us so that we could be righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21), that the only alive man on earth became dead just for us. Unimaginable… but it still happened. Ohgosh, that was an awesome night.