I can taste summer.
May 23, 2009
Well well well, it’s been quite a while hasn’t it?
School’s finally over. Summer’s finally here. I can sleep again. I can breathe again. Oh hello, three marvelous months of freedom. Goodbye chemistry (oh FINALLY), goodbye world history, goodbye art. But the horrible thing is that it’s really not over. Because here’s my summer: SATs, SATs, SATs, summer work, five books, three essays, studying… it just never ends. There’s no such thing as a break, is there?
But despite the insane workload that I have in store for me this summer, here’s my to-do list for the in-betweens and here-and-theres.
- Blog more.
- Go to a live concert.
- Learn how to cook a meal. Or anything. Lemonade, even.
- Write letters to the people I love.
- Get to know someone reealllyyy well.
- Get back to reading the Bible daily.
- Have a yard sale for my old clothes, and use the money for a completely new wardrobe.
- Try some new ice cream flavors.
- Piano.
Hooray! Well, this sophomore year has been full of drama, like always. Tears and doubts, laughs and smiles. I realized what it meant to work and stress. It was the first time I was actually on the verge of insanity, the first time I’ve actually hated someone for more than a day, the first time I got serious about a boy. First times, second times… hey, I’m growing up. Definitely older than I was a year ago. It’s always interesting to reflect and to think back, then to wonder about what’s in store for you next week, next summer, next year… I’m going to be an upperclassman next year. Ridiculous.
So at one of the training sessions for a mission trip I’m going on over the summer, my youth director told us to go around and share a weakness that we had. And mine? Hypocrisy. And after I declared that, I just became so much aware of every time I was being hypocritical. Just a week ago I was criticizing one of my friends for the way he acted… when I wasn’t much better off. But it just never occurs to me to look at myself a bit critically too; I always think, “oh, I know I should change, blahblahblah,” but I never actually do change. I just look at everyone else and tell them to change. I’m surprised nobody’s said anything about how hypocritical I am. Probably because I always try to cover it up. Oh, dear me. Well, at least I’m aware now.
Other thought. Do I really not care about him anymore, or is it that I care so much that I try to pretend that I don’t? And what’s the word for a mixture of all the emotions- happiness, frustration, anger, carefree- all stuffed into one overcrowded, confused head?
